The fight for gender equality is always viewed from the
female perspective but men are waking up to the reality that they too have been
dealt a raw deal when it comes to appreciation. With multiple days set aside to
celebrate women, men too have asked for their place at the table and father’s
day is finally gaining traction.
This year, as we marked father’s day this past Sunday, as I
took a moment to celebrate my own father, I wish to celebrate another father in
our midst, who has allowed us to see that it is possible to raise a baby on
your own as a father and do it with grace!
The tragedy of losing the mother of his daughter to a
bleeding complication when their baby was barely three months old has turned
Tedd Josiah into an inspiration to many for the past several months. The image
many people had of Tedd was one of a high flying celebrity who was going places
and certainly did not look like the type of man to change diapers.
However, he surprised many when he got down to the business
of parenting in a way that was most unexpected. Every day from five o’clock in
the evening until eight in the morning and throughout the weekends, he is the
sole caregiver to his daughter.
He has been in the paediatrician’s office for every vaccine
and gone home to nurse the fever that comes with it. He has battled with his
baby’s eczema and can give you the full rundown of the various soaps, creams
and ointments in the market for the condition. He knows firsthand the pressure
a mother feels when your baby falls off the bed or crib and you spend the week
feeling like the world’s worst parent.
How about your child’s nutrition? How many dads actually know
the cost of a tin of formula? How many know that by the time a baby is heading
to one year, she can consume three tins a week? When single moms sue for child
support and the world thinks they are being greedy, please remember that not
every woman can sustain breastfeeding!
As if feeding an infant isn’t hard enough for a single
father, throw in challenges of lactose intolerance and everything takes a nose
dive. Many babies battle with nutritional challenges that may take forever to
diagnose, from the common protein allergies to gluten sensitivity and
gastro-esophageal reflux.
It takes a lot of patience, numerous trips to paediatricians,
allergists and nutritionists to find what works for your baby. Yet good
nutrition is the cornerstone to good childhood development. It is the reason
why the weighing scale is the first stop for any baby in a hospital or clinic.
We all stop to admire a healthy baby with chubby cheeks and are quick to judge
a mother with a small baby yet we have no idea what a terror mealtimes are in
her house.
The market may be
flooded with competing brands of diapers all around but that has not translated
into the cost being affordable. It is ridiculous just how many diapers a
newborn runs through in the first two months of life. Every diaper is soiled
with stool and requires to be changed every two hours. Where are the tax breaks
on such essential commodities? How will we prevent diaper rash when the cost of
diapers per day is equal to the cost of feeding the entire family?
Beneath the social media veneer, Tedd knows firsthand how
costly it is to be a father. Apart from the direct costs of raising a child, he
fully understands the unspoken costs that come with it. If you haven’t
appreciated it when women complain about unequal opportunities at career
progression in the work place die to the interruptions motherhood brings, then hear
it firsthand from a man. Tedd lost his job four months ago and may be on the
verge of losing his house if the situation is not remedied soon.
The many nights a mother will stay awake to sponge a febrile
baby and wipe up vomit will translate to poor performance at work the whole
week. She will be passed over for a promotion because she was away on maternity
leave and yet we wonder why there are such few women at the top of the
corporate ladder. Kudos to any man who has an appreciation for the sacrifices
his wife will make to raise their family.
The loss of a mother in a child’s life is catastrophic. It is
estimated that an infant whose mother dies within the first 42 days of birth is
40 times more likely to die compared to one with a living mother. It is
paramount that as we strive to prevent maternal deaths, we also figure out how
fathers can begin to bridge this gap by stepping up when needed to. They cannot
afford to be distant anymore.
As fathers strive to provide for the material well-being of their
children, it is worth remembering that the emotional and psychological
well-being is even more important. In addition, we must remember that we cannot
teach our sons about gender equality when they have no role models when it
comes to how to care for the little ones as part and parcel of fatherhood.
Today, Tedd’s daughter may say ‘mamma’ before verbalizing the
word ‘daddy’ but in her world, daddy is everything!
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