TO USE THE WOMB OR NOT...

This year, my friends and I turned 35!

Yes, to the world of obstetrician/gynaecologists, we have crossed the proverbial line into elderly gravidae - meaning pregnacy at this age going forward is already categorized as high risk by virtue of our birthdays! All three of us are gynaecologists by profession so we don't need to be told what additional baggage we come with,  should we choose motherhood from now on!

As doctors, we have a common professional background. As individuals, we have our diversity in thought and beliefs and this is what binds us together.  We often argue about motherhood  and  it is interesting how we have such different opinions on the topic. One of us is blessed with two adorable children whom we all love, the rest of us haven't walked that path yet and for various  reasons.

Growing up as the last born in a large family of eight, I inherited the role of the babysitting aunt. I remember the excitement when my oldest nephew was born. I was nine years old. Having grown up with dolls and no real babies around, I couldn't wait to meet this precious new being who would call me aunt. It was a highly exalted position among my peers as none of them had siblings old enough to be parents.  I felt like I had won the lottery and they were all green with envy.

I first held my nephew when he was two weeks old. He was the cutest thing I had ever laid eyes on and he smelt heveanly. I wouldn't put him down even when he slept and when my sister managed to prise him off my arms, I would sneak to his cot to stare at him breathing softly with the occassional puzzling smile that I've come to learn is present in all sleeping babies. Then I just thought he was sharing a private joke with the angels in his dreams. It was love at first sight.

I spent all my school holidays baby-sitting my nephew and learnt more mommy things than most moms do. My sister is a perfectionist and I learnt how to  prepare his food, feed and burp him, change soiled nappies (yes, diapers didn't exist in Kenya then!), bathe and dress him, rock him to sleep on my back and put him down to sleep. I still get puzzled at how my sister had so much confidence in me at such a tender age but the experience horned my mothering instincts to date.

By the time her second baby came, a beautiful princess,  I was thirteen and hooked onto her instead of discovering boys. At four days old I took her under my care as my sister battled a mild case of post-natal blues. I even slept with her some nights and only took her to breastfeed. I cried when I had to go to high school and leave her behind. She was already a feisty baby with the promise of taking over the world. She has grown up to prove me right!

Suffice it to say, I have fifteen nephews and nieces and save for a few, I have been in their lives at some point, taking up a parental role for one reason or the other. I have dealt with the tough nights when the fevers won't break and the bed is soaked with vomit, I have slept in hospital ward beds with one eye open praying for their recovery, I have had my clothes soiled with all manner of fluids from the little ones' insides and I lived though it. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world because all of it comes interspersed with the cuddliest of hugs, the warmest of kisses and the most mind-boggling of laughter, love and adoration. I have loved and been loved back in equal measure.

I am not sure what else I would be missing in motherhood save for the biological process. I am amused that despite being a gynaecologist who loves adolescent health, when it comes to my niece,  I still hesitate and question myself as I attempt to walk with her through puberty, thelarche and menstruation. I feel deeply wounded when one of my little ones  is exposed to bullying or anything that sets back their self esteem. I have learnt to be firm and unrelenting in correcting them so as to make them better people. My heart swells with maternal pride when they mark life's achievements one by one and I have taken a host of pictures to document every key moment I caught up with.

I am thankful I grew up in a close-knit family that allowed me to share in my little ones' lives. In my own way, I have the full benefit of the pleasure and pain of parenting despite giving my womb rest for thirty five years. I much more grateful that I have always had choice of what to do, or not to do, with my biological endowment. As a doctor, I fully well have a good idea of the pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding processes in a woman. So far, they haven't been my cup of tea but it is great to know that I can change my mind tomorrow and my girlfriends shall worry about this newly acquired risk of mine while I kick back and enjoy the looks of shock on the faces of my relatives who long ago concluded that I am infertile!