MASTURBATION AND IT'S ADDICTION

Lucy* is a distressed mother. A single mother for the past 13 years, she has worked really hard to get where she is today, alongside bringing up her son by herself. To find out that her son, Andy*, is addicted to masturbation has shattered her existence.

Lucy was young, fresh out of college and highly impressionable when she met Jared* at her new place of work. Jared was leaving for a new job and the two started dating. Within a year they were married and Lucy was pregnant. By the time their son was born, the Lucy had realized that she was completely unprepared for the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood.

They fought constantly because she felt that Jared was not taking on his fair share of responsibilities and instead preferred to hang out with his friends and have fun while she dealt with a crying baby, colic and diapers. By the time the baby turned two, Jared had left and Lucy was by all rights on her own. It took six years of bitterness and court custody battles before the dust settled.  Jared took up part responsibility for Andy’s upbringing and twice a month, Andy spent the weekend with him.

Unfortunately, parenting wasn’t exactly Jared’s strongest suits as he kept his stash of adult movies within reach and over time, Andy started watching material whose content was beyond his age restriction whenever he was at his father’s house. By the time he was thirteen, he was regularly masturbating. At fifteen, Lucy discovered that her son was addicted to masturbation, a fact that devastated her to the core. Lucy did not know where to turn and she immediately sought help from Andy’s lifelong paediatrician. It has been a journey for both Lucy and Andy to seek help and deal with the issue before them.

So, what is masturbation? This is the process of seeking erotic pleasure though self-stimulation and self-arousal, to achieve sexual gratification. Masturbation is perceived differently among different communities all world over. In most western countries, it is regarded as a normal part of sexual well-being. In more reserved communities, especially those with a strong religious backgrounds, masturbation is strongly frowned upon. Medically, masturbation is sometimes encouraged among special category patients to help them learn how to manage their sexual urges without putting themselves at risk, such as those on medication that may heighten their sexual desire as a side effect.

Of importance is to recognize when masturbation crosses the line. When it ceases to be part of a person’s sexual function and becomes a sexual dysfunction. Pam* is in distress. Her three year marriage is falling apart. Her sexual life has gone to the dogs as her spouse is more interested in pleasuring himself instead of growing a vibrant sexual life with her. He spends all his free time in bed watching pornographic material on his cell phone and masturbating and she is fed up with washing the bedsheets after him. He won’t talk about it even when she tries to broach the subject and she is too disgusted by his actions to even permit him to touch her. Talking to her friends has not helped as they told her tales of how masturbation will lead to her husband being infertile, develop premature ejaculation, develop memory loss, lose his hair, or become homosexual; a long list of old wives tales with no scientific basis.

Masturbation addiction is when the urge to masturbate becomes compulsive, excessive and unreasonable. There is an overriding urgency to seek gratification at the expense of all else. The addicted person will neglect their responsibilities, family, friends and even social events to satisfy their urges. Pam first noted that her husband started ignoring the family, not participating in family activities such as going to church together, going out for lunch with them or even hanging around watching television. He stopped going out to watch football with his friends and even stopped drinking much.

Andy started performing poorly in school. He hardly completed his assignments and did not participate in after-school activities. His teachers complained that he did not concentrate in class and would sometimes doze off during lessons. He stayed in his room listening to music and unknown to his mom, masturbating. He even gave up on his first love, swimming. It took his mother a long time to figure out what was going on.

Those who are addicted to masturbation will be consumed by it. They will spend every free moment they have alone, seeking self-pleasure. They cannot handle a discussion around their habit because they harbor a lot of guilt internally about it. Hence they will close up and even become offended when confronted.

Additionally, is worth noting that masturbation addiction afflicts people from all walks of life, both men and women but mostly the younger age group. The first step to dealing with it is by removing social, religious and cultural biases. The affected individual needs supportive help to handle a habit that is deeply impacting negatively on their life.

The care required brings together various specialists with the knowledge, skills and experience in handling sexual dysfunction. Specialist gynaecologists with a special focus on sexual health, psychiatrists and counselling psychologists. Like treating any other addiction, the patient needs to acknowledge that they have a problem and be willing to seek help. Therapy is targeted at getting the patient to acknowledge the problem, face the underlying triggers and be willing to modify behavior to achieve a healthy sexual balance once again.

Extra help is needed for children and adolescents who have already been exposed to sexual content that is beyond their age. Most adolescents are at an age when it is doubly difficult to seek help from their parents when it comes to matters of sex and sexuality. Parents have the responsibility of creating and maintaining open channels of communication with their children to deal with matters such as masturbation addiction. As for those exposing their own offspring to explicit sexual content, it is no different from setting them on the rail track in front of an oncoming train. It is reckless endangerment of a minor!